I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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