i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
