4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize