Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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