I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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