Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
