Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize