i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize