Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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