We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I want her autograph on my taint
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He shit in the fireplace
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
