my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
