i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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