We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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