Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
