put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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