dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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