My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
