my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
