Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sorry my hands just texted you
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
