But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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