i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I sprained my soul last night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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