you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
