I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
