time to smoke my breakfast
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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