Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize