Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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