it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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