Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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