we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
