i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
