they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
