called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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