they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
