I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm too high and old for this...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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