Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize