NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
