I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
