dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Im part way to drunk.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
