i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
