I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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