yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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