how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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