I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My balls are so social today.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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