My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
this is an emotional support booty call
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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