3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Randomize
