i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel like abortions should bother me more
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
