hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize