Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
