Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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