you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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