i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
