fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
