I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
