Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
