the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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