Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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