He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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