Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Found your dick twin last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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