Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
