Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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