Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a hot homeless man
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
