dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize