Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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