Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
