You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
