What did we do last night that was yellow?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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