just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
