please come you make the beer taste better
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
