i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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