It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
