please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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