I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize