You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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