yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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